Chapter 1 “A Mystery to be Lived”
I would never attempt to offer an answer to the problem that suffering poses to believers. Suffering is not a problem to be solved but a mystery to be lived. As a Catholic Christian, I see the problem of suffering as inseparable from the cross of Jesus. But this is not the perspective I have adopted here, because I do not wish to begin by speaking only to other Christians. I want to start by reflecting on experiences we all have because we are human beings, whatever our beliefs.
Two very provocative points, right out of the gate: a priest who would never attempt to offer an answer to the problem of suffering. Can I say the same of myself? When I was younger, I was often in a hurry to explain – I thought I was offering a gift by spelling out what the catechism teaches about suffering. This made me feel like a "star pupil" who had the "right answer," but also like a generous person who could dispense the true meaning to people who, once they received my explanation, could be at peace because they knew the truth.
Now when I think of these experiences, I wonder why I was in such a hurry to dispense with these explanations? When I search my conscience, I can't find any motive beside a genuine desire to help, to ease suffering, to provide an adequate meaning. Unfortunately, I was in the wrong, and I started to realize this before reading Albacete's book. I think it's important to mention motive because we can be very well-meaning and have the correct answers but still be wrong. We need to acknowledge this first for ourselves but also when dealing with others who make the mistakes we've overcome – we must remember that their hearts are in the right place, and they're acting out of love, a love untempered by wisdom, but still it's true love, and it may even be superior to our own capacity to love.
What is the second provocative point? "Suffering is not a problem to be solved but a mystery to be lived." How often do we rush in with solutions? "Try this diet"... or "Here's a device that might help with that"... or "You should change doctors"... or "Take this herb/vitamin/medicine" etc. What would it look like to instead confront someone else's suffering as a "mystery to be lived"?
I can't help but think that it has to do with presence: recognizing that our presence (MY presence) has more value than all the solutions we could think up. We want to eliminate the suffering, but the person suffering needs companions who can enter into their life with them far more than she needs suggestions and solutions. In fact, the solutions others offer can feel hostile or belittling and certainly alienating. Even professional helpers (doctors, lawyers, social workers, therapists, etc.) who will not first offer their presence and companionship cannot be trusted to find correct solutions. This is because the various disciplines that serve to relieve suffering are each an art that requires humanity to be effective.
If anyone would like a conversation on this paragraph, we could use this question as a jumping off point: What would it look like to instead confront someone else's suffering as a "mystery to be lived"?
